I understand you're looking for assistance/help/support, and I wish I could provide it/accomplish that/deliver. However, due to my limitations/programming constraints/current capabilities, I am unable to/not website equipped to/incapable of completing your request/fulfilling your need/addressing your query at this time.
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The phrases you presented indicate risqué subjects, which I am designed to steer clear of.
Further Any Other Requests?
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